Processing Out of Bullshit

Mornings have a certain tone to them when one awakens.  Have you ever noticed that beginning feeling or mood that comes upon you when you are lying in the bed just after waking.  Many times there is a warmth and comfort that will surround me upon awakening, and that feeling is a sort of harbinger for the day... a ceremonial messenger.  The longer I am in this process the more that I notice the little feelings and promptings in my life.

I am generally a pretty positive person I would say.  I have pretty much always been that way in most of my daily activities and my life in general.  I have always had a feeling that everything, no matter how bad it looked on the surface, would be ok.  Maybe it is a mind tilt that makes me this way... my ex-wife once described me as a dog.  She said I was always happy in the morning if a bit dingy.  

I have noticed during this process how daily we literally die and are reborn the next day.  It is not something that you can learn, it is more what we are and then begin to notice.  Upon awakening there is a certain flavor to the day; maybe it is what we gathered during yesterday's activities, the disappointments, the challenges, the wins, the triumphs, or whatever.  Maybe it is instead the type or quality of dreams we had.  Maybe our spirits soar or crawl into outer realms or inner realms where they have adventures and mishaps, excitement or disappointment... or maybe it is just due to the foods we ate the night before or whatever.  Whatever it is, the mood or the flavor of the day is usually determined for most people within, I would say, the five to ten minutes upon awakening.  This state can be utterly unrelated to the previous day, the thoughts disjointed from situation or circumstance, which is why I say that each morning is like a rebirth.

It could be a good or bad mood, and I have noticed that I used to simply lie down and take the mood as it came.  After all, a mood was a mood, and I always felt somewhat at the mercy of the whims of my emotion.  Whether up or down, it didn't seem to be something that I had any control over whatsoever.  This morning I awakened with a certain feeling of warmth and comfort and the deliciousness of my body feeling good, well-cared-for, thin, in-shape, and somewhat sensual.  This led to a feeling of longing for a woman in my life, which in turn led to a downturn in my mood, because it has been a long time since a woman has blessed my life.  

The downturn is built from what?  Why would the delicious feelings of one's body and the thought of something as happy as the sensuousness of one's own body bring feelings of disappointment.  The mood was one thing, the thought of "it shouldn't be so," another thing altogether.  What caused the downturn?  What made the mood into one of negativity?  Resistance.  The inner psychological resistance to the way things are at any one moment is the beginning point of the internal dialogue within me.  That starts the engine.  The negativity stems from the fact that there is something that I would change, and typically, there is a feeling of powerlessness to change it.

So what is powerlessness?  I read a huge article yesterday about two psychologists studying the "evolutionary" uses of depression.  The thought, why does life let us be depressed, seemed to be the original basis for their forming an hypothesis.  

So why does it?  Why does this internal dialogue seem to have a negative slant at all, and why would internal resistance create it?  Some resistance and denial is good, when used consciously and in the service of truth.  The mind is very sensitive and reacts very strongly to untruth.  That is the salvation and the damnation of man, because when lies have been accepted as truth and truth is derided in our society as false, the mind becomes very confused.  Therefore, the resistance of this type is one of an internal dialogue which is at odds with reality.  I do not have a woman in my life, and this is reality.  The internal resistance to this fact does not change the state of being right now.  The fact... the observable fact is that I do not have a woman in my bed at this moment, nor is there one in the house... that is consciously in my awareness... hopefully, I am not being robbed or something.


So why does the mind perturb itself at all?  Why does it rouse itself to battle a phantom?  What does it think its internal resistance will accomplish?  From where does this resistance spring from?  Once the question is asked, I have noticed that the mind immediately begins to burrow inward to the root cause.  The reason I entitled this post as I did is that there is an internal escape hatch which we rarely use in life, yet it is essential if the truth of one's own existence is to be found.  The escape hatch is the question.  The answer seems not to matter nearly as much as the question itself.  Changing one's mood is usually rather simple, and if accomplished early in the downward spiral, the mind will usually lift within minutes.  


The same process can be used with even major thought processes.  It is an inward questioning of one's own self-asserted or societal-asserted thought patterns.  Just like moods, thought patterns invade our inward space.  If the thought patterns are not true, it causes a certain dissonance in the mind that can range from mild to severe.  It is this dissonance that can be seen in extremes in those with mental disease.  Bi-polar mood syndrome is simply an exaggerated state of the internal ups and downs in someone's mind.  It is simply overblown and rather severe in the bi-polar person.

The question being asked brings the relief to the mind... a door opens as it were in the dissonance the mind feels at the point of resistance.  I look at this chance for a door opening as being a form of forgiveness.   You are willing at that moment to accommodate another thought platform.  Isn't this what forgiveness is - the internal space to accommodate another thought about another person or situation, circumstance, place, or whatever?  The question, asked of the mind by the mind (paradoxical I know), allows room for a situation or circumstance or mood to be brought to the active or conscious thought process.  It no longer remains unconscious.  I have read a lot of spiritual books that hide this process under layers of bullshit.  It is a very simple, simple query... hard yes, but simple.   It is the simple internal question of is that true?  


I talked with a woman yesterday on a date... well... it was more like a psychotherapy session... and she looked at where I am as being "far ahead" of where she is or more advanced or whatever.  I wanted to scream... it is so simple... the entire mind simply wants one thing, consonance... it wants to be whole.  Therefore, that which is not whole should not be held in the mind.  The process is immensely simple, although it can be very subtle, and it simply takes an immense honesty with oneself.  That is all.  That is the whole of the process.  Ask yourself what is true.  Really... inwardly, deeply... focus on one thing... what am I... what is true?  Is this thought process true?  Is that thought process true?