Sometimes words just don't cut it...

I am laughing at myself this morning for trying and trying and trying to explain some things on this journey.  I finally gave up and decided to simply say... what the hell... words cannot describe the indescribable.  I want to be able to share this journey so badly sometimes, but all one can do is reach out to someone else who has been through it, look into their eyes, and say, "Isn't it just fucking cool?"  Nothing else can really be defined, and everyone arrives at the place where they are through their own recognizance.  They "recognize" the certain epiphanies for what they are.  They typically can describe the logical path or emotional path that it took to get there, but the epiphany will often sound like a cliche.

How do you tell someone, "God is Love"?  They will look at you like, "So the fuck what... my ______ has been telling me that since I was ____ years old."  It is a cliche
that has been hammered and hammered into people... it is something else entirely when you see, feel, and experience through all your inner senses the TRUTH of it.  Much different.  When you understand the context... much different.  When you understand the depth of responsibility that you have for your own predicament... much different.  When leaning on God has a literal meaning... much different.  I have a hundred cliches.  All of them are condensed wisdom.  All of them are meaningless in a meaningless world of contextual misunderstanding and blind alleys.

Paradox is the enemy to science, and it is the bread and butter of the journey.  Paradox in science means something has not been understood to the fullest.  Paradox in the journey typically denotes that something has been grasped for the first time.  This is our world.  The world of duality, the world of separation of one thing from another thing is a world of paradox.  It is a world of paradox, because it is ultimately fake.  It doesn't really exist.  In God, there is no paradox.  There is only paradox from this side of the understanding.  One cannot be a paradox unto itself.  Paradox only exists with two options.  For God, who is the beginning and the end, all parts are contained simultaneously.  Even the catechisms cite this truth.  Omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent all describe all-pervasiveness.  Yet we act as though there are two... or that something could be outside of God.  Nothing outside of God would exist.  Therefore, the state of seemingly being outside God does not exist. 

The Universe is not conflicted.  We are conflicted.  God is not separate from his Son... the Bible has Jesus as quoted saying, "I and my Father are One."  He was not conflicted... that was the one thing that people marveled at.  Ultimately, we are in a state that cannot be.  Science will tell you that actually all that we "see" is on a certain, and very small segment, of the actual light spectrum.  We see only a small portion of reality.  It appears to us that there are two things because we cannot see the whole of it.  However, science also tells us that the entire realm of existence is just a seething energy soup... parts being indistinguishable from another except by vibrational rate.  Nothing separates us from anything else.  We are all experiencing this through a borrowed frame that works mysteriously on borrowed time, which also does not exist.  Ghosts in the machine of existence.  What is actually going on?  I don't know... a mirage... some afterimage burned on our retinas... no ideas here... maybe a dream... a dream that we are awake.

This blog was supposed to be a log of getting oneself un-conflicted.  It just cannot convey that ever.  The epiphanies go so deep into the mind that it almost feels like physically something happens (and as far as I know... it is).  The epiphanies are incredibly personal, because they undo one's own unique way of putting together facts from random bits of information.  As the epiphany is understood to its fullest, it washes away some area of conflicted thought, and the whole ball of fear underlying the conflict unravels.  There is a change then... some frame of reference for the world is lost.  Some inner skin expands to view the world as more whole.  Lots of ways of looking at things are readjusted.  Reality shifts.  The years of addiction to whatever slough off, and the next step is readied.  It is a process of slow burn... death... and rebirth.  The Phoenix (a very powerful symbol for me, and I personally want to thank whoever came up with it) is reborn everyday out of the fire of yesterday.