Believing something different...

A Course In Miracles:
"God has no secrets.  He does not lead you through a world of misery, waiting to tell you, at the journey's end, why He did this to you."

I was raised to think something very different from this statement.  The world of sin and degradation that this world represented to me, while I was growing up, was a place of abject poverty and misery.  It was a test.  A test of my will to follow God's Will no matter what.  It was a terrifying world where I never really understood
if I was going to heaven or hell.  What if my version of what was sinful and what God thought was sinful didn't line up exactly?  Would I be thrown into a lake of fire for eternity for my lack of deciphering skills?

What I realize now is that the way I am following is the only way that I would ever want to follow.  God's Will is becoming less of a heavy tarp covering me and more of a beautiful, flower strewn path, a garden walkway with immensely interesting plants sprouting up to either side.  It didn't take much, and it always takes everything I have to stay on the path.  It is a silly thing, but the mind itself doesn't seem to want to stay the course, even though life improves at every step along the way.  It is always pushing or pulling or throwing up barriers to God's Will.  What I am finding though is that, by adhering to that which makes me truly joyful, I find only peace and comfort in my life and a surety that goes beyond words.  Love is not secretive, but it is reasonable, logical, and direct.  I cannot find Love by focusing on that which is not loving, yet it is only Love that I want.  Therefore, I heed the logic of Love and find only love awaiting me.

It is difficult to explain to people who are not walking this road how truly miserable life can be when it is governed by worry, stress, and hate, all of them deriving from fear.  How wonderful to find that life need not be feared!  But to find this, a different set of beliefs must enter the picture.  It is less a different set of beliefs than it is a true seeing for the first time that everything you thought was true was not true.  You are not some separate thing, some flotsam in the Universal soup.  You are something different, something much more connected, something less solid, something that flows.

How does one get there?  I don't know, truly.  I know my path, but it wouldn't be any good to you.  Those already on their own paths can share my experiences with me and understand what I am saying.  Those not on the path will look at this as some sort of gibberish, and I would be the first to admit that maybe it is gibberish.  I know what I feel, however.  What I feel seems to be different than what other people feel, and the way that I think is skewed.  The only advice I can give is listen.  For the first time, stop, listen, and feel what is going on inside of you.  You may be amazed at the cacophony of voices, the ragged breathing, the incessant berating and accusatory statements, the insidious feeling of entrapment, and the endless litany of everything that you have to do or be or think or buy or... or... or.  Can you hear them?

The wonderful part is that God has no secrets.  He doesn't keep anything from us, but we damn sure keep things from Him... or try anyway.  The Universe is constantly giving guidance, help, ease, comfort, and clues to who we are.  When we see clearly, only gratitude remains, only love holds any meaning.

Try believing something a little different.  Try a little mistrust of what you hear coming from that cacophony of voices, the voices of your teachers, your preachers, your leaders, and your culture... just for a minute.  See if you can see one little lie... follow that to the bigger lie behind it... and to the bigger lie behind that.  Eventually, something will give, and you will find a world that looks a little similar to the one you left but is not the same at all.  Every piece of the puzzle always leaves me astounded.  Every freeing movement leaves me feeling more alive than ever.

These beliefs of the old are only thoughts, I have discovered.  They are meaningless, and they don't hurt when they are dropped.  I never really needed them anyway.