Abiding...

Over the last couple of days, I have been reading and discovering some things about the continuance of my journey.  The journey is subtle.  What I think is not "what is".  What I think I know about the last three years of my journey is part of the journey, but the journey changes, morphs, moves in other directions.  I have a tendency to get trapped in some method or another, but what is Real has no method.  It is what it is and only what it is.  There is no substitute.  I must be willing to let go of all methods.  I must be willing to let go of all teachings.  There is only one teaching that serves me, and that is the teaching that comes from deep within me to help awaken me.  Nothing else matters, and everything else is a trip in the wrong direction.

The "I" of desire...

Always there is the entrapment on this journey of ego's desirous state.  The "I" that I think I am is a bundle of desire.  It cannot be without desire.  It desires food, clothing, shelter, sex, things and more things.  No matter what state I shall find myself in, there will be the "need" of the body for what it perceives to be and what it desires to be its continuance.  Nothing I find here in this world is meaningful, because everything seems to be a reflected or projected state of desire, which is in and of itself without worth.  Why?  Because it is not real.

Believing something different...

A Course In Miracles:
"God has no secrets.  He does not lead you through a world of misery, waiting to tell you, at the journey's end, why He did this to you."

I was raised to think something very different from this statement.  The world of sin and degradation that this world represented to me, while I was growing up, was a place of abject poverty and misery.  It was a test.  A test of my will to follow God's Will no matter what.  It was a terrifying world where I never really understood