If it is given me to do...

One thought... if the Universe is working through me, then there is no power that can oppose.  Weakness opposes that which is in me.  What is the real humility?  It is the acceptance of that which I am.  It is nothing more than understanding that I am what God created me to be.  If I have been given certain responsibilities, certain talents, certain circumstances, is it not arrogance to assume a weak posture?

As the Bible states... paraphrased for me, of course, "In God [I] move and have [my] being."  This is tricky, because ego loves the grandiose, but is accepting the power that is truly my inheritance, the love that is truly my birthright arrogance?  Surrender has been key for me along this journey... subsequently letting go of everything I thought I knew and everything I thought I was.  What is the surrendering to?  What surrenders and what moves?  Is Life itself weak or groveling?

Life has a certain and focused energy.  Life is certain.  Life, therefore, is encompassing, allowing, yet powerful and focused, certain of its course, certain of the outcome.  A Course in Miracles states that power which can be opposed is meaningless.  Power would have to be all-encompassing to be power at all.  Real power is the life force itself.  The same power surges through me that surges through the flower which breaks the pavement over-topping it; the raw energy of the tsunami; the atomic fusion that fuels stars.

So surrender is the leveling of the small "I" by the tsunami of the Self, which ultimately must be known.  I have a tendency on this journey to grovel, to scrape, which is an old hold-over of the way that I was raised (false humility).  "Thy Will be done," does not mean that I wallow in my own littleness.  What could be more powerful than the Will of the Universe as it moves creation?  Thy Will be done through me signifies the allowance of greatness, in whatever form God chooses to manifest through me.  It is much easier, I am finding, to be servile than great.  It is much easier to hide in the shadows than to stand up and accept the beauty of all that I Am.  The ego loves this bass-ackwards game of self-conscious grandiosity followed by self-conscious bowing and scraping. 

Tonight I am feeling the birth of something new.  This is not the idle wishing of ego for some sort of recognition or the fantasy-land of "what-if."  I feel a definite need to fully feel everything where I am and focus that energy on the tasks I have at hand.  There are responsibilities that I have been given through this dream-like maze, people who count on me in one way or another, purposes that have been laid in my lap.  In some ways I feel like an arrow that is being drawn to the cheek of a cosmic archer.  Surrender to the bow string... surrender to the bow... surrender to the Will of the archer... and fly sure.  If He picks the mark, I can hit it.

If it is given me to do, I can and will do it.  I have seen enough miracles on this journey to know that they will follow surely the direction and intent of surrendered will.  Oxymoron?  Maybe.  There are a lot of paradoxes on this journey.  This seems to be another one... that by giving away all that I thought I was, I actually gained all that I Am.  I have had a tendency over the past little while to assume that I must stop doing... very true... what this has been in practice far too often has been the tendency to give up.  There has been a tendency to surrender... another truth... but in practice this comes out as servility.  But I know from past experiences that it has been when I have had enough, of myself, that true surrender happens.  I have had enough grandiosity and enough servility.  The power is reached through dropping both and accepting all that I was created to be without selfish or self-full embellishment. 

It is almost like trust develops leaning back... surrendering to the forces that move me... faith and vision are the engines of those forces which are fueled by the Universe itself.  All this is so hard to put into words, but I had to put something down so that I will remember in my more human moments.